Divorceworkshop Blog
Moving Day & Recovery: The Overlooked Challenge of Divorce
No one prepares you for how emotionally draining moving out after divorce can be. It’s not just about packing—it’s about untangling your life, one box at a time.
I moved out of our home nearly seven years ago. I never realized how much work it would be to split things up, pack, and move—with two children, a dog, and a cat. No one talks about this part of divorce—how physically and emotionally exhausting moving can be. The stress, the grief, the sheer logistics of it all—it was overwhelming. And yet, in the midst of it, I also felt relief.
Breaking the Silence: Understanding Divorce in South Asian Culture
The weight of cultural expectations can make divorce feel like a mountain too steep to climb in South Asian communities. As someone who has worked closely with individuals navigating this journey, I’ve seen how cultural stigma adds layers of complexity to an already challenging process. Today, let’s have an honest conversation about divorce in South Asian culture and explore paths toward healing, empowerment, and reclaiming your life.
How People-Pleasing Impacts Your Divorce: Breaking Free from the Cycle
I’ve always been a people-pleaser, and even now, I still struggle with it. Looking back on my marriage, I realize how much it wore me down. I became burnt out, resentful, and just wanted out of the toxic and abusive relationship.
Interestingly, my people-pleasing didn’t stop after I left. During the long, drawn-out separation and divorce, I kept falling into the same patterns—saying "yes" when I wanted to say "no." Learning to say no was challenging. Many of you might relate to this experience.
Even after my marriage ended, I found myself helping him move out—cleaning, organizing, and still walking on eggshells to avoid confrontation. One moment stands out: a few months post-separation, he asked me to buy chocolates for his mother’s birthday since he wouldn’t be available. Despite the years of mistreatment from both him and his mother, I agreed. Afterward, I was furious with myself. That was the turning point when I realized something had to change.
Finding Joy After Divorce: When You Feel Like the Fifth Wheel
There's a moment after separation that no one really talks about. It's not the big moments - signing papers or moving out. It's the quiet ones, like standing on a deck at a family gathering, hearing your wedding song drift through the air, and feeling your heart crack just a little bit more.
I know this moment intimately. I lived it.
The Deck That Changed Everything
Have you ever felt like you no longer fit in after your separation? I remember the exact moment that feeling hit me. It was during my first trip up north to visit my sisters and their families after my marriage ended. I had been to this annual gathering many times before—often without my ex—but this time, everything felt different. I wasn't just attending alone; I felt alone, like a puzzle piece from a different box.
Do High Conflict personalities love their children?
Growing up, I often found myself asking a question no child should ever have to wonder: Does my father truly love me? His unpredictable nature and hurtful actions left me doubting, while my mother’s steady love became my anchor in an otherwise turbulent world.
As an adult, I unknowingly repeated the cycle, marrying someone who shared traits with my father. We had children together, and over time, I began to notice troubling patterns in my ex-husband’s behavior. The same haunting question returned: Does he genuinely love our kids?
After our separation, his behavior became even more erratic and concerning. Friends would ask me, “How can a father treat his children this way?” Some even said, “Karen, maybe he doesn’t love them.” Deep down, I had to face a painful truth: I’m not sure he does.
How to Build a Strong Divorce Support System: 4 Essential Pillars
Divorce is one of the most challenging transitions a person can face, often upending every aspect of life. As someone who has spent years studying and working in the field of thanatology—the science of death, dying, and grief—I’ve seen firsthand how vital a solid support system is during times of profound change. Divorce is the death of a relationship that is often complex and messy and requires tools and strategies to help navigate the emotional, logistical, and practical challenges it brings.
Why 'Knowing Who You’re Divorcing' Could Transform Your Divorce
Divorce is more than a legal process; it’s an emotional, personal, and often overwhelming journey. Emotions run high, coping systems are maxed out, and the stress of navigating an uncertain future can feel relentless. During this turmoil, one of the most powerful tools to manage this storm is clarity—understanding not just who you’re divorcing, but also who you are. This insight can guide your decisions and help you move forward with greater confidence.
Feeling Overwhelmed by Divorce? Here's Why Pausing Can Change Everything
Whether you’re the one initiating the divorce or still deciding, the urge to act quickly can be overwhelming. However, the best first step is often to resist that impulse. Taking a moment to "sit still" provides both you and your ex with the space to emotionally settle and think more clearly. This pause doesn’t mean waiting months—it’s simply about creating a brief period of reflection before rushing into decisions you might later regret.
In my case, I deeply wish I had taken this pause. Instead, I reacted out of fear and haste, without fully understanding the dynamics of my marriage or my ex's behavior. Many of us in difficult or abusive relationships may not even realize the extent of the toxicity or who we’re dealing with until it’s too late. Had I been able to gain more insight into who I was divorcing or had more guidance, my approach to the divorce would have been much more strategic and I would have been better equipped to handle who I was divorcing.
Note: It’s important to recognize that in cases of domestic violence or extreme toxicity, there is often no option to pause. For those in such situations, immediate safety must come first, and acting quickly is necessary. In these instances, seeking help from a legal professional or support organization is critical, and a pause may not be possible.
Why So Many Divorces Happen After the Holidays—Including Mine
At the time, I didn’t fully understand why we often hold on through the holidays, even when a relationship is falling apart. Reflecting on my own experience, I stayed for my children. I wanted to give them one last holiday as a family, even though the tension in the air was undeniable.
Many people face the same pressure: the desire to maintain the appearance of a happy family, the hope for a holiday miracle, or simply the wish to avoid adding more pain to an already emotional season.
I’ve since learned this is a common experience. Countless men and women have shared stories of waiting until after the holidays to finally say, “I’m done.” The holiday season, while joyous for some, often magnifies dissatisfaction and exposes the cracks in a marriage, making them impossible to ignore.
Holiday Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Balancing Front Stage and Backstage Roles
The holiday season is here—a time of joy, reflection, and, for many, emotional challenges. If you're navigating co-parenting during a divorce, this time of year can amplify both the good and the hard. It’s a season filled with festive events, family gatherings, and traditions—but also with moments that might feel bittersweet or even overwhelming.
Have you ever had to put on a brave face and play nice with your ex in public? It can feel like starring in a soap opera or winning an Oscar—minus the fame or fortune. However, that’s exactly what co-parenting often is: a balancing act of emotions where you have to keep your cool for your children’s sake.
Understanding DARVO: How Manipulators Shift Blame in Toxic Relationships
For over 19 years, I endured a relationship filled with manipulation and emotional turmoil. At the time, I couldn’t fully grasp what was happening—the subtle, persistent tactics left me questioning my reality and constantly doubting myself. Only much later after I separated, did I discover DARVO, a tactic used by many highconflict personalities and emotional abusers, and things started to make sense. Suppose I had known about DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) earlier. In that case, I might have recognized the signs and understood how this tactic impacted my sense of self and experiences.
Understanding DARVO has helped me—and my clients and I hope it can help you—see through the confusion created by these toxic dynamics and take steps toward a healthier, more empowered life.
What is DARVO and Where Did It Originate?
Feeling Lost in Divorce? The Just Separated Workbook is Your Guide
What if navigating the turbulent waters of divorce didn’t have to feel so isolating and confusing? Over three years ago, Divorce Workshop was born from a candid conversation in a backyard, where we shared our personal experiences grappling with the overwhelming emotions of separation. Like many, we faced confusion and regret over the many mistakes we made before, during, and after our divorces.
Divorce and Early Death: What You Need to Know
As a thanatologist, my work delves into the intricate and often delicate realm of mortality and its various facets. Recently, I came across a study that piqued my interest—a study shedding light on an unexpected connection between divorce and early mortality rates. It's widely acknowledged that divorce ranks as the second most stressful life event, following closely behind the loss of a loved one. This means that the emotional toll it exacts is profound and significant, to the point that it can even impact one's longevity. The statistics are eye-opening: For every 100,000 people, approximately 1,363 divorcees experience early mortality, compared to just 779 among those who remain in a married union. This revelation prompts us to delve deeper into the ways divorce might influence our long-term health.
How Coparents Can Create a Safe Haven for Grieving Children
When my parents got divorced, I was just a baby and had no idea what it felt like to have two parents together. Children at any age grieve the loss of their family.”
What is Grief?
In very simple terms, grief is a reaction to loss. When we think of grief, we often think of a death loss, but grief is much broader than most think, and it can be felt for various reasons. Children are not immune to feeling these emotions. Many parents who go through a breakup or divorce may not even recognize that their children may also be grieving.
One aspect of the experience that not many separating or divorcing couples understand is that children do grieve this loss. It changes their whole life. Children can have similar reactions to how the parents may feel about the separation or divorce.
Children’s reactions and feelings can be more acute in the case of high-conflict separations or divorces. The day before transferring the child to the other parent’s house can be fraught with tense feelings. These are sensed by the child, who may wonder whether their parents may fight openly at the transfer or what will happen. That was my experience as a child.
Finding Clarity: My Journey to Ending a Marriage.
Choosing to end a marriage is never an easy decision; it often lingers beneath the surface for years before becoming impossible to ignore. For many, the path toward divorce is a subtle process of emotional detachment. It’s like watching a thread slowly unwind from a spool—quiet and steady. Over time, you find yourself drifting apart, and the bond that once held you together begins to fray. The shared dreams and hopes that once united you gradually fade into distant memories.
As you navigate the complexities of marriage, a growing unease often starts to creep in—a whisper that something fundamental has shifted. You may start to question whether the relationship is still fulfilling, or if you’re staying out of obligation, fear, or uncertainty. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are valid and often signal deeper issues that need addressing. Divorce is not something we plan for when we marry, but sometimes it becomes necessary for our well-being, especially if there are forms of abuse, neglect, or a deep disconnection that have taken root in the relationship.
Transactional Coparenting: A Practical Path Forward
The complexities of coparenting necessitate a range of styles which means that coparenting dynamics are as varied as the parents themselves. While each circumstance is unique, a few common strategies emerge. These strategies hinge on an essential characteristic of coparenting - the level of cooperation parents can effectively manage. These strategies significantly impact how people who are parenting from separate homes interact and function.
This article explores one such approach: transactional coparenting. This method prioritizes practicality and logistics over connection and mutual support. An understanding of the characteristics of transactional coparenting can help equip coparents with tools to establish a functional routine and effective relationship amidst the disruption of separation.
Why Your Digital Footprint Matters in Divorce
When I decided to end my 19-year marriage, one of my first actions was to remove my ex from all my social media platforms, doing so quite quickly after we separated. He noticed and questioned me about it, clearly upset. I hadn’t been told to take this step, but instinctively, I knew I didn’t want him to have access to that part of my life anymore. At the time, I wasn’t entirely sure why I acted so swiftly, but looking back, I realize it was a crucial move to protect my privacy. As our divorce later became high conflict, this decision proved even more important in maintaining boundaries and ensuring that he couldn’t use anything from my personal life as leverage.
Shortly after I removed him, he accused me—through his mother—of spreading lies about him on Facebook
The Cost of Divorce: Budgeting and Planning for Expenses
Divorce can be a costly process, but with careful budgeting and strategic planning, you can manage expenses and protect your financial future. In this blog post, we explore ways to budget effectively, reduce costs during a divorce, and explain how a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) can be a valuable resource.
Forgiving my Ex - Is it Possible?
Research underscores that forgiveness holds profound positive effects on both mental and physical health. Beyond contributing to emotional well-being, forgiveness in the context of divorce is associated with post-divorce improvements, increased life satisfaction, and reduced mental health issues. Moreover, extending forgiveness to your ex-spouse can enhance co-parenting dynamics, garner support, and alleviate challenges for your children.
The Complexity of Forgiveness:
The intricacies of forgiveness became evident to Kirk and me as we concluded the recovery unit in our Divorce Workbook We recognize that forgiveness is a nuanced process, varying for each person based on unique coping mechanisms and life experiences. Reflecting on our journeys, we contemplate what it truly means to genuinely forgive our ex-partners and the obstacles that hinder this process.
How did the Narcissist become this way?
Understanding the twists and turns of human behavior is just part of life's journey. Sometimes, we come across behaviors in others that puzzle us.. However, when these traits lean towards the spectrum of narcissism, the challenge becomes notably formidable, especially within the context of past relationships with partners or spouses. Recognizing the presence of narcissistic tendencies in a partner can occur gradually, characterized by patterns of blame, projection, deception, gaslighting, manipulation, etc.
In my journey, these realizations began to unfold in my late 30s, as I started to discern recurring behaviors within my marriage. While the decision to extricate myself from this toxic dynamic was arduous, it ultimately proved to be liberating. Yet, even after severing ties, lingering questions persisted—how does one evolve into becoming a person high on the narcissism spectrum? What are the influences that shape such behavior?