Moving Day & Recovery: The Overlooked Challenge of Divorce
No one prepares you for how emotionally draining moving out after divorce can be. It’s not just about packing—it’s about untangling your life, one box at a time.
I moved out of our home nearly seven years ago. I never realized how much work it would be to split things up, pack, and move—with two children, a dog, and a cat. No one talks about this part of divorce—how physically and emotionally exhausting moving can be. The stress, the grief, the sheer logistics of it all—it was overwhelming. And yet, in the midst of it, I also felt relief.
Like so many others, I found myself navigating this transition during a common post-divorce timeline—after winter separations or at the end of the school year. Moving wasn’t just about packing boxes; it was about closing a chapter and stepping into the unknown.
The Emotional Weight of Moving
Divorce is already a rollercoaster, but moving adds another layer of complexity. It’s not just about logistics—it’s about leaving behind a home filled with memories. Every item you pack holds meaning, and deciding what stays and what goes can feel like reliving the entire marriage.
I remember standing in my kitchen, holding a coffee mug, realizing it wasn’t just about cups and plates—it was about letting go of a life I had built.
The Stress of Doing It Alone
When you're used to making decisions as a couple, suddenly being the sole decision-maker can be overwhelming. Sorting through belongings, finding a new place to live, and handling the actual move felt like a full-time job on top of everything else.
Some of you may have an ex who offers to help you move. This can be a tough decision. Do you accept their help to ease the burden, or do you set boundaries and keep them out of your new space? It depends on who you are divorcing and the level of conflict in your marriage.
What Not to Do: Guilt & Weak Boundaries
If you are leaving the marriage, beware of the guilt trap. It’s easy to overextend yourself out of guilt, especially if you were the one who initiated the divorce.
When I separated from my ex, I went out of my way packing and sorting everything for him. I convinced myself it was the right thing to do, but looking back, I realize it was my weak boundaries and lifelong guilt at play.
I had a client who left a long-term marriage and carried so much guilt that when their ex and children went on vacation, they took it upon themselves to fix up the house—painting, repairing floors, installing a new roof, and even replacing the laundry tub. As part of their divorce agreement, they had already given their ex full ownership of the home, and their ex was planning to sell it anyway. But instead of walking away, they spent time and money making improvements to help their ex get a better price. Looking back, they realized what was I thinking and doing?
These stories are a reminder: be mindful of what you offer during the moving process. If you tend to be a people-pleaser, this is a moment to pause before saying yes. (Read more on people-pleasing )
Grief, Relief, and Everything in Between
Moving after divorce is a strange mix of emotions. I felt relief that this abusive marriage was finally over, but I was also angry at myself for staying as long as I did, feeling like a failure. No more walking on eggshells, abuse, or projection—but then guilt crept in. Even though I knew leaving was the right choice, I couldn’t shake the feeling of responsibility. My ex had used guilt as a weapon for so long that it became ingrained in me. As a child of divorce, I also worried about how this would affect my own children. I never wanted them to experience the same pain I had. You can read my blog about Divorce… Is Grief here.
Small victories helped—arranging my new space exactly how I wanted, choosing décor without compromise, and embracing the quiet as a sign of peace, not loneliness. Full of uncertainty, but with my children, the new space felt quieter, safer.
A Fresh Start, but Not an Easy One
Starting over in a new place came with its fair share of unexpected challenges—adjusting to a different neighborhood, setting up utilities, and finding the closest grocery store. It all felt unfamiliar, but I tackled it one step at a time. I made a list and checked things off, moving through the tasks little by little.
The loneliness was hard to ignore at times, especially as I bore the full responsibility of managing the new place and caring for my children. It felt heavy. But over time, that loneliness transformed into a sense of independence. I slowly began to rebuild a life that was truly my own.
What I Wish I Had Known
✅ Moving is emotional—allow yourself to grieve before, during, and after.
✅ It’s okay to ask for help—plan ahead and don’t leave packing until the last minute.
✅ You may feel lost at first, but new routines take time.
✅ Relief and sadness can coexist—embrace both.
✅ The division of chattels can be tough—take your time and, if needed, seek mediation.
✅ Set boundaries with your ex—protect your peace during the process.
✅ Prioritize self-care—this is a big transition, and your well-being matters.
✅ This is just one chapter—moving is hard, but it’s a step toward a new future.
Moving after divorce is one of the hardest yet least talked-about parts of the process. It’s overwhelming, exhausting, and emotional—but it’s also an opportunity to redefine your life. One box, one step, one day at a time.
What’s one thing you wish you had known before moving after divorce? Share in the comments.
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