Divorceworkshop Blog
The Warnings I Ignored: My Grandmothers Told Me Not to Marry Him
I still remember the moment both of my grandmothers warned me about my fiancé. One grandmother told me, “Karen, this is not a good idea.” The other grandmother, through my mother, expressed that she was not happy and did not approve of the engagement. They weren't yelling or making a scene, but both knew something was off. Deep down, they sensed that he wasn’t the right one for me. We had broken up twice before, so I knew there were issues, but I convinced myself they were wrong.
I was very close to my grandmothers and trusted their wisdom. But when it came to my relationship, I thought I knew better, and I was incredibly naïve. Maybe it was my stubbornness, or maybe he did a good job pretending. Either way, I ignored the small voice inside me whispering that something wasn’t right.
Understanding DARVO: How Manipulators Shift Blame in Toxic Relationships
For over 19 years, I endured a relationship filled with manipulation and emotional turmoil. At the time, I couldn’t fully grasp what was happening—the subtle, persistent tactics left me questioning my reality and constantly doubting myself. Only much later after I separated, did I discover DARVO, a tactic used by many highconflict personalities and emotional abusers, and things started to make sense. Suppose I had known about DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) earlier. In that case, I might have recognized the signs and understood how this tactic impacted my sense of self and experiences.
Understanding DARVO has helped me—and my clients and I hope it can help you—see through the confusion created by these toxic dynamics and take steps toward a healthier, more empowered life.
What is DARVO and Where Did It Originate?
High-Conflict Divorce: Co-Parenting vs. Parallel Parenting
It's crucial to clarify that the terms "co-parenting" and "parallel parenting" are not legal terms; instead, they are practical strategies designed to help divorced parents navigate the complexities of raising children separately. These strategies emphasize the importance of prioritizing the well-being of the children during and after divorce proceedings, providing a framework for effective parenting collaboration despite any lingering personal conflicts. The parents themselves decide that parallel parenting is right for them or with help from legal representatives. The best parallel parenting arrangement begins with clear rules and expectations established from the beginning. Since minimal contact between parents is a key aim, creating detailed parallel parenting plans covering various future scenarios is usually beneficial.