Divorceworkshop Blog
How People-Pleasing Impacts Your Divorce: Breaking Free from the Cycle
I’ve always been a people-pleaser, and even now, I still struggle with it. Looking back on my marriage, I realize how much it wore me down. I became burnt out, resentful, and just wanted out of the toxic and abusive relationship.
Interestingly, my people-pleasing didn’t stop after I left. During the long, drawn-out separation and divorce, I kept falling into the same patterns—saying "yes" when I wanted to say "no." Learning to say no was challenging. Many of you might relate to this experience.
Even after my marriage ended, I found myself helping him move out—cleaning, organizing, and still walking on eggshells to avoid confrontation. One moment stands out: a few months post-separation, he asked me to buy chocolates for his mother’s birthday since he wouldn’t be available. Despite the years of mistreatment from both him and his mother, I agreed. Afterward, I was furious with myself. That was the turning point when I realized something had to change.
Finding Clarity: My Journey to Ending a Marriage.
Choosing to end a marriage is never an easy decision; it often lingers beneath the surface for years before becoming impossible to ignore. For many, the path toward divorce is a subtle process of emotional detachment. It’s like watching a thread slowly unwind from a spool—quiet and steady. Over time, you find yourself drifting apart, and the bond that once held you together begins to fray. The shared dreams and hopes that once united you gradually fade into distant memories.
As you navigate the complexities of marriage, a growing unease often starts to creep in—a whisper that something fundamental has shifted. You may start to question whether the relationship is still fulfilling, or if you’re staying out of obligation, fear, or uncertainty. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are valid and often signal deeper issues that need addressing. Divorce is not something we plan for when we marry, but sometimes it becomes necessary for our well-being, especially if there are forms of abuse, neglect, or a deep disconnection that have taken root in the relationship.
Why do I feel Lonely after my Divorce
Loneliness is a common and often daunting experience for many going through divorce. Society's support can be lacking, and sharing these feelings with friends and family may not always provide the understanding we hope for. I recall trying to talk to my family about my emotions during this time; they cared, but their lives continued unchanged. Even though I had sought relief from an abusive marriage and felt a sense of liberation, there were still moments when I felt profoundly alone. As a grief specialist, I understand the complex emotions of grieving the loss of a partner. Feeling relief and rebuilding one's life can be an isolating journey.
My Best Friend is divorcing. Should I get one too?
Have you ever had a conversation with a dear married friend about your divorce, only to notice them growing visibly uncomfortable as if the topic itself were taboo or made them uncomfortable? I distinctly recall such moments, not only with one friend but with several within my social network. Looking back, it was as if I had unwittingly contracted some contagious ailment, leaving them hesitant to engage in an in-depth discussion about my divorce. Little did I know that years later, I would stumble upon a captivating study from Brown University that sheds light on this very phenomenon.