My Best Friend is divorcing. Should I get one too?
Have you ever had a conversation with a dear married friend about your divorce, only to notice them growing visibly uncomfortable as if the topic itself were taboo or made them uncomfortable? I distinctly recall such moments, not only with one friend but with several within my social network. Looking back, it was as if I had unwittingly contracted some contagious ailment, leaving them hesitant to engage in an in-depth discussion about my divorce. Little did I know that years later, I would stumble upon a captivating study from Brown University that sheds light on this very phenomenon.
This study reveals that the divorce of a close friend or relative can significantly increase the likelihood of experiencing a divorce in your own life. It suggests that divorce can spread through our social networks, affecting us much like a contagious virus. In this blog, we'll delve into the intriguing findings of this research and explore the fascinating concept of divorce contagion
The Study
This intriguing research was led by Rose McDermott and her team at Brown University. Their groundbreaking study spanned an impressive three-decade period during which they assumed the roles of social investigators, meticulously gathering data on marriages, divorces, and remarriages. What they unearthed during their investigation is truly thought-provoking and nothing short of fascinating. McDermott and her team made a startling discovery that captured their attention. If one of your dearest friends experienced a divorce, your likelihood of going through a similar ordeal increased by a staggering 75%. This number is shocking, to say the least. However, the real eye-opener is this: even if it was a friend of a friend who went through a divorce, your chances of divorcing rose by 33%. It's almost as if the concept of divorce behaves like a subtle contagion, quietly weaving its way through your social circles, impacting not just you but also your friends and even friends of friends.
Social Contagion
This phenomenon, known as "social contagion," is not limited to divorce. Similar patterns of influence can be observed in various aspects of our lives, from adopting certain behaviors to health-related choices. For instance, siblings are more likely to have children shortly after their brother or sister becomes a parent. Likewise, the study tracked how obesity appeared to spread within elementary school classrooms.
Degrees of Separation
To understand the study's findings, it's important to grasp the concept of "degrees of separation." In essence, this concept categorizes individuals based on their social ties. Friends, children, parents, and siblings are considered one degree of separation away from you. Friends of friends fall into the two degrees of separation category, and so on. The idea became popularized in the 1990s with the phrase "Six Degrees of Separation."
The Impact on Relationships
The study revealed that the influence of divorce contagion diminishes as the degrees of separation increase. While the divorce of a close friend or relative significantly raises the probability of divorce, the effect becomes less pronounced as you move further away from the social network.
There is also the fact that when people hear about someone else's divorce, it can evoke feelings of vulnerability about their marriages. This reaction often stems from comparative evaluation, where individuals subconsciously assess their relationships when faced with the dissolution of a friend's marriage. The notion of divorce contagion, the fear that divorce can spread within social networks, can also contribute to this unease. Conversations about divorce serve as a stark reminder of the fragility of relationships, challenging the idealized image of lasting love.
Thinking back to those occasions with my friends and certain family members, it makes sense that they grew uncomfortable with the conversation about divorce. Knowing what I know now, in a world where personal choices are often seen as entirely individual, the study from Brown University reminds us of the powerful influence our social networks can have. It's essential to recognize that our relationships, whether marital or friendly, are interconnected, and if you find your friends and family being distant or quiet around you maybe they are thinking of getting a divorce, and it may not be just a coincidence.
Reference
Breaking Up is Hard to Do Unless Everyone Else is Doing it Too: Social Network Effects on Divorce in a Longitudinal Sample Forthcoming in Social Forces Rose McDermott, Ph.D. Brown University James H. Fowler, Ph.D. University of California, San Diego Nicholas A. Christakis, M.D., Ph.D., M.P.H. Yale University
Coming this Spring is a NEW and Different type of Divorce workbook 'The Divorce Workbook: A Hands-On Guide to Everything Divorce.' Unlike passive reads, this affordable workbook actively engages you in understanding and working through all divorce facets. Transform complexities into manageable steps, addressing finances, emotions, co-parenting, recovery, legality, and more. Divorce has a huge impact on you and your family. Prepare, understand, and navigate your journey to a smoother divorce Start hands-on. Get your copy today.
Kirk and Karen off free Divorce coaching consultation email Karen at Karen@divorceworkshop.ca
