Divorceworkshop Blog
The Cost of Divorce: Budgeting and Planning for Expenses
Divorce can be a costly process, but with careful budgeting and strategic planning, you can manage expenses and protect your financial future. In this blog post, we explore ways to budget effectively, reduce costs during a divorce, and explain how a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) can be a valuable resource.
Forgiving my Ex - Is it Possible?
Research underscores that forgiveness holds profound positive effects on both mental and physical health. Beyond contributing to emotional well-being, forgiveness in the context of divorce is associated with post-divorce improvements, increased life satisfaction, and reduced mental health issues. Moreover, extending forgiveness to your ex-spouse can enhance co-parenting dynamics, garner support, and alleviate challenges for your children.
The Complexity of Forgiveness:
The intricacies of forgiveness became evident to Kirk and me as we concluded the recovery unit in our Divorce Workbook We recognize that forgiveness is a nuanced process, varying for each person based on unique coping mechanisms and life experiences. Reflecting on our journeys, we contemplate what it truly means to genuinely forgive our ex-partners and the obstacles that hinder this process.
Torn Apart: My Journey of how I lost my Son to Divorce
Divorce can be a brutal battlefield, and amidst the wreckage of a failed marriage, I had endured 25 years of a very draining and, at times, abusive relationship. I left my marriage, and I had no idea that I would lose one of my sons as well. This loss is as real and profound as any other, yet it's shrouded in ambiguity, making it even harder to bear. He is physically absent, but he is psychologically very present. In reality, I am mourning a child who is no longer in my world, even though he's alive and well and living an hour from me.
My journey through the grief of ambiguous loss is compounded by the painful reality of my son being coercively controlled by my ex-spouse. It's a scenario that no parent should ever have to endure, but unfortunately, it's a stark reality for many of us in similar situations. Parental alienation has torn my family apart, and it's an intricate web of manipulation and emotional distance that's difficult to convey.
The Significance of Taking your Wedding Ring Off
We know it takes an average of 5 years of marital discord and conflict for a person to decide to leave the marriage. Many of those individuals are women, and the process of detaching and growing apart from their spouse was happening during the marriage itself. This means that the identity associated with the ring began to lose its value, even sentimentally. When you repeatedly attempt to salvage a marriage, and it withers away over time, the rings and all those promises made years ago no longer hold the same significance.
Divorce Dilemma: Trapped Together by High Housing Costs
When a couple is going through what is considered the second most stressful event in their lives, they may find themselves in the unexpected predicament of sharing a home. This is a hard and challenging situation, and for anyone who has experienced divorce, it's clear that this is far from the ideal choice.
In the past, the idea of a divorced couple living together for an extended period seemed uncommon, almost unheard of. However, as we grapple with high inflation and economic downturns, this arrangement is becoming increasingly prevalent. Couples co-parent, come and go as they please, or one parent may find themselves relegated to living in the basement. It's a new reality born out of financial necessity, and it's reshaping the way we think about post-divorce living arrangements.
Grey Divorce and the Effects on your Children
What struck me in that conversation was the assumption that once kids grow up, we often think our children are somehow shielded from the impact of divorce. The reality is, that divorce is a significant event with lasting effects that extend beyond just the younger ones in the family. Recent statistics reveal that 16.4% of divorces involve marriages of 25 years or more, and 42% occur in marriages lasting between 10 and 24 years. While it's acknowledged that divorce does affect children, especially in high-conflict situations, the idea that young adults come out unscathed is incorrect. Challenges and grief persist, emphasizing the need for a thorough understanding of the impact of divorce on individuals of all ages
Why do we feel like failures in Divorce?
Shifting the focus from self-blame to a thoughtful examination of the marriage's dynamics offers valuable insights. Exploring where the relationship fell short in meeting emotional needs, fostering communication, and maintaining a healthy, secure connection helps individuals disentangle from feelings of guilt and shame. This change in perspective enables a more objective reflection on the factors contributing to the marriage's breakdown without unnecessary rumination.
Discovering the foundations of a thriving marital relationship involves recognizing the significance of effective communication, feeling secure and safe, mutual trust, emotional intimacy, mutual respect, and shared values. Identifying these elements allows individuals to form a clearer vision of what they seek in future relationships, fostering personal growth and the cultivation of healthier, more fulfilling connections.
Why would I Ever Date again?
However, as a woman now in my 40s, I questioned my attractiveness and how I would be perceived. I was forgetting that most people I would be dating would have the same thoughts. When you're young, you carry less baggage and can focus on your life and your partner's. However, when you're dating after divorce, especially with children in the picture, it can often feel like an intricate juggling act. You have so much more to think about than just yourself and that other person. There are many things to consider when you think about going dating after divorce.
My Best Friend is divorcing. Should I get one too?
Have you ever had a conversation with a dear married friend about your divorce, only to notice them growing visibly uncomfortable as if the topic itself were taboo or made them uncomfortable? I distinctly recall such moments, not only with one friend but with several within my social network. Looking back, it was as if I had unwittingly contracted some contagious ailment, leaving them hesitant to engage in an in-depth discussion about my divorce. Little did I know that years later, I would stumble upon a captivating study from Brown University that sheds light on this very phenomenon.
The Emerging Trend of Mediation in Divorce
For generations, litigation was the only choice, with the potential to turn every divorce into a courtroom spectacle. Litigation is inherently adversarial, and the costs alone are exorbitant. However, against this backdrop of tradition, change is slowly sweeping across continents with the introduction of family mediation as a compelling alternative. The surging popularity of mediation is bringing about significant changes in how divorces are managed. These changes go beyond financial matters; they are fundamentally reshaping the entire landscape of divorce proceedings.