Divorceworkshop Blog
Why Do I Still Yearn for My Ex After Divorce?
I recall the first few months following our separation. A profound sense of relief, anxiety, and grief washed over me as I finally broke free from this nearly 2-decade grueling marriage. Yet, with this newfound freedom, there was at times, a lingering urge to chat with him, and at times it persisted. I would, over the years, turn to him in moments of great stress. About four months after our separation, I encountered a scam phone call that left me shaken. This incident remains clear in my memory: a fraudulent call from the Canada Revenue Agency (CRA), threatening legal repercussions about my taxes. They got me worked up and scared as I was never involved with taxes. I got off the phone, and in a moment of panic, I instinctively reached for the phone and called him. However, the harsh reality soon dawned on me—he was no longer that person. It was an instinctual thing that I had done for many years regardless of the type of support I got back. Despite enduring 19 tumultuous years together, the dissolution of our marriage left me unsettled. What I did not know back then that I do know is I was losing my secure base and safe haven, even if it was not that strong of one.
Designed to Fail: How the Family Court System Silences Grieving Mothers
A Legacy of Quiet Rage
When I was growing up, my mother spent years going in and out of family court with my father, who was high-conflict. There were affidavits, court orders, motions and a trial, but never once did anyone ask how it felt when my mother didn’t speak to her daughter for more than a decade. Or how much it costs financially or the mental and emotional toll it took on my mother. No judge questioned what that estrangement meant to us. No professional named it for what it was: a profound loss.
Divorce, Grief, and the Overthinking Loop: How to Calm Your Brain After 'Life Theft’
Have you ever caught yourself replaying the same conversation with your ex, or reliving the moment you got the call that someone you love was gone?
For years after my mother's sudden death, I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened. I’d go over it again and again. If you’re grieving a divorce, it might be the moment your ex said, “I want a divorce,” or the moment you said it. You analyze what went wrong, revisiting every scene like a movie stuck on repeat.
Regret After Divorce: Understanding and Navigating the Emotional Struggles
I remember sitting in my therapist’s office, saying, "I don’t want any regrets. Maybe if we try couples therapy, I’ll know I did everything I could." At the time, it felt like the right thing to do—one last attempt to fix what was broken. But I didn’t realize then that I was with someone who would never take responsibility, someone who twisted every issue into being my fault. Even in therapy, when the counselor gently pointed out something he needed to address, he immediately turned it back on me.
I had hoped therapy would work, not just for myself, but for the years I had invested in this marriage and for the sake of our children. But looking back, I see things differently. Knowing what I know now, I can see it never would have worked.
Have you ever wondered, "Am I going to regret getting a divorce?" or "I regret I ever got married?" If so, you’re not alone. These thoughts often surface during the emotional and mental fallout of ending a marriage. Divorce can bring up intense feelings of grief and regret, but understanding why you feel this way and how to process those emotions can help you move forward with clarity and peace.
The Significance of Taking your Wedding Ring Off
We know it takes an average of 5 years of marital discord and conflict for a person to decide to leave the marriage. Many of those individuals are women, and the process of detaching and growing apart from their spouse was happening during the marriage itself. This means that the identity associated with the ring began to lose its value, even sentimentally. When you repeatedly attempt to salvage a marriage, and it withers away over time, the rings and all those promises made years ago no longer hold the same significance.