Divorceworkshop Blog
Why Your Digital Footprint Matters in Divorce
When I decided to end my 19-year marriage, one of my first actions was to remove my ex from all my social media platforms, doing so quite quickly after we separated. He noticed and questioned me about it, clearly upset. I hadn’t been told to take this step, but instinctively, I knew I didn’t want him to have access to that part of my life anymore. At the time, I wasn’t entirely sure why I acted so swiftly, but looking back, I realize it was a crucial move to protect my privacy. As our divorce later became high conflict, this decision proved even more important in maintaining boundaries and ensuring that he couldn’t use anything from my personal life as leverage.
Shortly after I removed him, he accused me—through his mother—of spreading lies about him on Facebook
The Cost of Divorce: Budgeting and Planning for Expenses
Divorce can be a costly process, but with careful budgeting and strategic planning, you can manage expenses and protect your financial future. In this blog post, we explore ways to budget effectively, reduce costs during a divorce, and explain how a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) can be a valuable resource.
Forgiving my Ex - Is it Possible?
Research underscores that forgiveness holds profound positive effects on both mental and physical health. Beyond contributing to emotional well-being, forgiveness in the context of divorce is associated with post-divorce improvements, increased life satisfaction, and reduced mental health issues. Moreover, extending forgiveness to your ex-spouse can enhance co-parenting dynamics, garner support, and alleviate challenges for your children.
The Complexity of Forgiveness:
The intricacies of forgiveness became evident to Kirk and me as we concluded the recovery unit in our Divorce Workbook We recognize that forgiveness is a nuanced process, varying for each person based on unique coping mechanisms and life experiences. Reflecting on our journeys, we contemplate what it truly means to genuinely forgive our ex-partners and the obstacles that hinder this process.
How did the Narcissist become this way?
Understanding the twists and turns of human behavior is just part of life's journey. Sometimes, we come across behaviors in others that puzzle us.. However, when these traits lean towards the spectrum of narcissism, the challenge becomes notably formidable, especially within the context of past relationships with partners or spouses. Recognizing the presence of narcissistic tendencies in a partner can occur gradually, characterized by patterns of blame, projection, deception, gaslighting, manipulation, etc.
In my journey, these realizations began to unfold in my late 30s, as I started to discern recurring behaviors within my marriage. While the decision to extricate myself from this toxic dynamic was arduous, it ultimately proved to be liberating. Yet, even after severing ties, lingering questions persisted—how does one evolve into becoming a person high on the narcissism spectrum? What are the influences that shape such behavior?
Why every Realtor needs a Divorce Mediator in their back pocket
Every realtor is keenly aware of the importance of clear communication for the smooth sale of a home. They also know all about the frustration of communication breaking down and the sale derailing. When the news reaches the realtor’s ears that there is an impending divorce and the marital home will go up for sale, you can feel the stress level rise and your eyes roll.
But what if there was a way for realtors to sidestep the need to tap dance through the roles of realtor, therapist and negotiator?
Enter the divorce mediator! Whose job it is to facilitate clear communication and help the sellers settle on the terms of the sale.
Step Parenting: Ups and Downs
Amidst high divorce rates for first-time marriages, it is even higher for second marriages, a crucial factor contributing to this trend is the intricate dynamics of blended families. Stepfamilies are prevalent in the U.S. and Canada, where a substantial portion of the population includes at least one step-relative. However, achieving harmony in a new stepfamily is not an immediate accomplishment; even under optimal conditions, it generally takes two to four years for the family to establish a cohesive rhythm in shared living
Why do I feel Lonely after my Divorce
Loneliness is a common and often daunting experience for many going through divorce. Society's support can be lacking, and sharing these feelings with friends and family may not always provide the understanding we hope for. I recall trying to talk to my family about my emotions during this time; they cared, but their lives continued unchanged. Even though I had sought relief from an abusive marriage and felt a sense of liberation, there were still moments when I felt profoundly alone. As a grief specialist, I understand the complex emotions of grieving the loss of a partner. Feeling relief and rebuilding one's life can be an isolating journey.
WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR HOME IN A DIVORCE?
The first step in addressing the future of your home in a divorce is to determine the ownership. In Ontario, the matrimonial home is treated uniquely compared to other assets. Regardless of which spouse holds the title, both parties have an equal right to stay in the house until a separation agreement or court order states otherwise. This rule ensures that neither spouse can sell or mortgage the home without the other's consent.
STEP 2: VALUING THE HOME
The next step involves valuing the home to determine its worth. This valuation is typically conducted by a professional appraiser who will consider factors such as the current real estate market, the condition of the property, and comparable home sales in the area.
Accurate valuation is critical, as it impacts the division of assets and helps determine whether one spouse can afford to keep the home or if selling is the best option.
STEP 3: DECIDING ON THE FUTURE OF THE HOME
Torn Apart: My Journey of how I lost my Son to Divorce
Divorce can be a brutal battlefield, and amidst the wreckage of a failed marriage, I had endured 25 years of a very draining and, at times, abusive relationship. I left my marriage, and I had no idea that I would lose one of my sons as well. This loss is as real and profound as any other, yet it's shrouded in ambiguity, making it even harder to bear. He is physically absent, but he is psychologically very present. In reality, I am mourning a child who is no longer in my world, even though he's alive and well and living an hour from me.
My journey through the grief of ambiguous loss is compounded by the painful reality of my son being coercively controlled by my ex-spouse. It's a scenario that no parent should ever have to endure, but unfortunately, it's a stark reality for many of us in similar situations. Parental alienation has torn my family apart, and it's an intricate web of manipulation and emotional distance that's difficult to convey.
How Divorce Affects Boys and Girls Differently
While divorce generally affects both genders, boys and girls may experience it differently. Girls often display some unique responses in comparison to boys and vice versa. Research suggests that girls may exhibit negative symptoms, including emotions like depression, anger, and psychological distress. In contrast, boys may sometimes exhibit increased negative behaviors such as aggression or fighting.
The Significance of Taking your Wedding Ring Off
We know it takes an average of 5 years of marital discord and conflict for a person to decide to leave the marriage. Many of those individuals are women, and the process of detaching and growing apart from their spouse was happening during the marriage itself. This means that the identity associated with the ring began to lose its value, even sentimentally. When you repeatedly attempt to salvage a marriage, and it withers away over time, the rings and all those promises made years ago no longer hold the same significance.
Divorce Dilemma: Trapped Together by High Housing Costs
When a couple is going through what is considered the second most stressful event in their lives, they may find themselves in the unexpected predicament of sharing a home. This is a hard and challenging situation, and for anyone who has experienced divorce, it's clear that this is far from the ideal choice.
In the past, the idea of a divorced couple living together for an extended period seemed uncommon, almost unheard of. However, as we grapple with high inflation and economic downturns, this arrangement is becoming increasingly prevalent. Couples co-parent, come and go as they please, or one parent may find themselves relegated to living in the basement. It's a new reality born out of financial necessity, and it's reshaping the way we think about post-divorce living arrangements.
Grey Divorce and the Effects on your Children
What struck me in that conversation was the assumption that once kids grow up, we often think our children are somehow shielded from the impact of divorce. The reality is, that divorce is a significant event with lasting effects that extend beyond just the younger ones in the family. Recent statistics reveal that 16.4% of divorces involve marriages of 25 years or more, and 42% occur in marriages lasting between 10 and 24 years. While it's acknowledged that divorce does affect children, especially in high-conflict situations, the idea that young adults come out unscathed is incorrect. Challenges and grief persist, emphasizing the need for a thorough understanding of the impact of divorce on individuals of all ages
Why do we feel like failures in Divorce?
Shifting the focus from self-blame to a thoughtful examination of the marriage's dynamics offers valuable insights. Exploring where the relationship fell short in meeting emotional needs, fostering communication, and maintaining a healthy, secure connection helps individuals disentangle from feelings of guilt and shame. This change in perspective enables a more objective reflection on the factors contributing to the marriage's breakdown without unnecessary rumination.
Discovering the foundations of a thriving marital relationship involves recognizing the significance of effective communication, feeling secure and safe, mutual trust, emotional intimacy, mutual respect, and shared values. Identifying these elements allows individuals to form a clearer vision of what they seek in future relationships, fostering personal growth and the cultivation of healthier, more fulfilling connections.
High-Conflict Divorce: Co-Parenting vs. Parallel Parenting
It's crucial to clarify that the terms "co-parenting" and "parallel parenting" are not legal terms; instead, they are practical strategies designed to help divorced parents navigate the complexities of raising children separately. These strategies emphasize the importance of prioritizing the well-being of the children during and after divorce proceedings, providing a framework for effective parenting collaboration despite any lingering personal conflicts. The parents themselves decide that parallel parenting is right for them or with help from legal representatives. The best parallel parenting arrangement begins with clear rules and expectations established from the beginning. Since minimal contact between parents is a key aim, creating detailed parallel parenting plans covering various future scenarios is usually beneficial.
Why would I Ever Date again?
However, as a woman now in my 40s, I questioned my attractiveness and how I would be perceived. I was forgetting that most people I would be dating would have the same thoughts. When you're young, you carry less baggage and can focus on your life and your partner's. However, when you're dating after divorce, especially with children in the picture, it can often feel like an intricate juggling act. You have so much more to think about than just yourself and that other person. There are many things to consider when you think about going dating after divorce.
My Best Friend is divorcing. Should I get one too?
Have you ever had a conversation with a dear married friend about your divorce, only to notice them growing visibly uncomfortable as if the topic itself were taboo or made them uncomfortable? I distinctly recall such moments, not only with one friend but with several within my social network. Looking back, it was as if I had unwittingly contracted some contagious ailment, leaving them hesitant to engage in an in-depth discussion about my divorce. Little did I know that years later, I would stumble upon a captivating study from Brown University that sheds light on this very phenomenon.
How to Navigate Extracurriculars While Co-parenting
One thing that has been a major point of contention in my co-parenting life is extracurriculars. It is hard in a household where there are two married parents, let alone ones who struggle with co-parenting. Today we will explore some obstacles when it comes to coparenting and extracurricular activities and what some options are to guide us through the challenges.
Slow Death, Sudden Departure: Navigating Grief in Divorce
Among the many hurdles that arise during this process is learning to establish and maintain clear boundaries with your ex. Failing to set boundaries can give rise to various problems such as your personal well-being and personal space, remaining co-dependant on your ex, may complicate the financial situations and it can cause difficulties in co-parenting. By understanding these challenges, we can explore strategies to overcome them and foster a healthier and more empowering divorce journey
5 Resolutions for a Prosperous New Year
Create a Realistic Budget: Start the year with a clear understanding of your income, expenses, and financial goals. Craft a realistic budget that aligns with your lifestyle while allowing room for savings. Identify areas where you can cut back on unnecessary expenses, and allocate funds towards building an emergency fund or contributing to long-term savings.