Divorceworkshop Blog
Why Do I Still Yearn for My Ex After Divorce?
I recall the first few months following our separation. A profound sense of relief, anxiety, and grief washed over me as I finally broke free from this nearly 2-decade grueling marriage. Yet, with this newfound freedom, there was at times, a lingering urge to chat with him, and at times it persisted. I would, over the years, turn to him in moments of great stress. About four months after our separation, I encountered a scam phone call that left me shaken. This incident remains clear in my memory: a fraudulent call from the Canada Revenue Agency (CRA), threatening legal repercussions about my taxes. They got me worked up and scared as I was never involved with taxes. I got off the phone, and in a moment of panic, I instinctively reached for the phone and called him. However, the harsh reality soon dawned on me—he was no longer that person. It was an instinctual thing that I had done for many years regardless of the type of support I got back. Despite enduring 19 tumultuous years together, the dissolution of our marriage left me unsettled. What I did not know back then that I do know is I was losing my secure base and safe haven, even if it was not that strong of one.
I am not supported in my Divorce - WHY NOT?
While studying for my Thanatology degree, I was also preparing for my divorce. At the time, I didn’t fully grasp the depth of grief that would come with it. Despite having been detaching emotionally for a while, the reality of my grief didn’t hit me until I reflected on my own divorce story, often during long, emotional walks with my dog, tears streaming down my cheeks. These walks became my sanctuary, a time to process and understand the heavy emotions I was carrying.
Why Confidence Often Drops After Divorce, Even When You Wanted It
I remember lying in bed a year and a half before my divorce, thinking, I can’t even get a part-time job at the local variety store. I was once well educated, with a degree and a post-grad diploma, yet I felt completely worthless. My confidence had been eroded for years and years, and I did not even realize it.
Many factors influence confidence after divorce, but what’s interesting is how rarely we talk about this side of it. The divorce world often highlights freedom, fresh starts, and empowerment. And while those things can be true, there’s another side that doesn’t get enough space: the quiet collapse of confidence that so many people experience, even when they were the ones who initiated the divorce.
Divorce, Grief, and the Overthinking Loop: How to Calm Your Brain After 'Life Theft’
Have you ever caught yourself replaying the same conversation with your ex, or reliving the moment you got the call that someone you love was gone?
For years after my mother's sudden death, I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened. I’d go over it again and again. If you’re grieving a divorce, it might be the moment your ex said, “I want a divorce,” or the moment you said it. You analyze what went wrong, revisiting every scene like a movie stuck on repeat.
Breaking Free from Emotional Overdependence: 6 Steps to Self-Reliance After Divorce
I remember the uncertainty and fear that crept in after my marriage ended. How would I manage on my own with two children after nearly two decades of shared life? Though I wasn’t overly dependent on my ex for emotional support, our lives were deeply intertwined, and his presence had always been a constant. The prospect of untangling those ties felt overwhelming. For some, this is the deepest fear.
Regret After Divorce: Understanding and Navigating the Emotional Struggles
I remember sitting in my therapist’s office, saying, "I don’t want any regrets. Maybe if we try couples therapy, I’ll know I did everything I could." At the time, it felt like the right thing to do—one last attempt to fix what was broken. But I didn’t realize then that I was with someone who would never take responsibility, someone who twisted every issue into being my fault. Even in therapy, when the counselor gently pointed out something he needed to address, he immediately turned it back on me.
I had hoped therapy would work, not just for myself, but for the years I had invested in this marriage and for the sake of our children. But looking back, I see things differently. Knowing what I know now, I can see it never would have worked.
Have you ever wondered, "Am I going to regret getting a divorce?" or "I regret I ever got married?" If so, you’re not alone. These thoughts often surface during the emotional and mental fallout of ending a marriage. Divorce can bring up intense feelings of grief and regret, but understanding why you feel this way and how to process those emotions can help you move forward with clarity and peace.
Wait! You’re ordering for me? And…did you say no tipping?” Welcome to the wild, weird, and wonderfully awkward world of online dating after divorce.
These were no ordinary tales; they were accounts of shocking and somewhat strange first meetings that sparked laughter among us. Amid the amusement, Kirk's co-author emphatically insisted, "These stories need to find a place in our workbook."
And why not? These narratives weren’t the stuff of fiction; they were genuine, relatable stories that served as more than just sources of entertainment. They stood as tangible reminders that the unexpected is par for the course in the realm of online post-divorce dating. By sharing these stories, we aim to prepare readers for the unpredictability of dating while providing a dose of humor to lighten the journey.
For further insights, check out my previous blog, Spotting Narcissistic Red Flags in Post-Divorce Dating.
Forest Bathing for Grief and Divorce Recovery: How Nature Helps You Heal
Later, when I was grieving the end of my marriage, which was marked by abuse and high conflict, I turned back to the forest. What I had once offered others, I now needed for myself.
During my studies, I explored the practice of forest bathing, or shinrin-yoku, a Japanese approach to healing that invites us to immerse ourselves in the sights, smells, and sounds of the forest. It’s not a hike. It’s not exercise. It’s about being, not doing. And many years later, in the wake of my own profound grief, I knew instinctively: it was time to go back to the forest.
Writing Your Divorce Story: Why It's Crucial for Healing and Growth
When I faced my divorce, I was a student of Thanatology, just embarking on my second degree. While studying the benefits of narrative therapy for grieving individuals, little did I know how pivotal this tool would become in my journey through divorce. At first, the idea of pouring my emotions onto paper seemed daunting and overwhelming. But with gentle encouragement from my therapist, I took that first step.
I walked into the local dollar store, bought a simple journal, and decided I would write about everything I felt about my marriage—the many areas it failed, and what led up to the divorce. I did this when my children were in bed and I could reflect on it all. Boy, did I write! I had tears streaming down my face as I poured out my grief, anger, and every emotion I had bottled up over the years. It was cathartic. Through writing, I began to unravel the tangled threads of my marriage, slowly piecing together where it had begun to fall apart
Finding Joy After Divorce: When You Feel Like the Fifth Wheel
There's a moment after separation that no one really talks about. It's not the big moments - signing papers or moving out. It's the quiet ones, like standing on a deck at a family gathering, hearing your wedding song drift through the air, and feeling your heart crack just a little bit more.
I know this moment intimately. I lived it.
The Deck That Changed Everything
Have you ever felt like you no longer fit in after your separation? I remember the exact moment that feeling hit me. It was during my first trip up north to visit my sisters and their families after my marriage ended. I had been to this annual gathering many times before—often without my ex—but this time, everything felt different. I wasn't just attending alone; I felt alone, like a puzzle piece from a different box.
How to Build a Strong Divorce Support System: 4 Essential Pillars
Divorce is one of the most challenging transitions a person can face, often upending every aspect of life. As someone who has spent years studying and working in the field of thanatology—the science of death, dying, and grief—I’ve seen firsthand how vital a solid support system is during times of profound change. Divorce is the death of a relationship that is often complex and messy and requires tools and strategies to help navigate the emotional, logistical, and practical challenges it brings.
The Significance of Taking your Wedding Ring Off
We know it takes an average of 5 years of marital discord and conflict for a person to decide to leave the marriage. Many of those individuals are women, and the process of detaching and growing apart from their spouse was happening during the marriage itself. This means that the identity associated with the ring began to lose its value, even sentimentally. When you repeatedly attempt to salvage a marriage, and it withers away over time, the rings and all those promises made years ago no longer hold the same significance.
Why would I Ever Date again?
However, as a woman now in my 40s, I questioned my attractiveness and how I would be perceived. I was forgetting that most people I would be dating would have the same thoughts. When you're young, you carry less baggage and can focus on your life and your partner's. However, when you're dating after divorce, especially with children in the picture, it can often feel like an intricate juggling act. You have so much more to think about than just yourself and that other person. There are many things to consider when you think about going dating after divorce.