Divorceworkshop Blog
Why Mother’s Day Hits Like a Punch: Surviving Social Comparison and Divorce
Every year, as Mother’s Day approaches, a specific kind of heaviness sets in. It’s not just a passing sadness; it’s a weight that many of us carry silently in our chests. If you find yourself feeling more anxious than celebratory, there is a biological reason for it.
It’s rooted in a concept called Social Comparison. I vaguely remember sitting in a lecture hall back in the 90s, scribbling notes about psychology and the way humans evaluate themselves against the "herd." Back then, it was just a sterile theory on a chalkboard. I had no idea that decades later, this academic concept would move out of the textbook and into my driveway, manifesting as a physical ache.
Why Do I Still Yearn for My Ex After Divorce?
I recall the first few months following our separation. A profound sense of relief, anxiety, and grief washed over me as I finally broke free from this nearly 2-decade grueling marriage. Yet, with this newfound freedom, there was at times, a lingering urge to chat with him, and at times it persisted. I would, over the years, turn to him in moments of great stress. About four months after our separation, I encountered a scam phone call that left me shaken. This incident remains clear in my memory: a fraudulent call from the Canada Revenue Agency (CRA), threatening legal repercussions about my taxes. They got me worked up and scared as I was never involved with taxes. I got off the phone, and in a moment of panic, I instinctively reached for the phone and called him. However, the harsh reality soon dawned on me—he was no longer that person. It was an instinctual thing that I had done for many years regardless of the type of support I got back. Despite enduring 19 tumultuous years together, the dissolution of our marriage left me unsettled. What I did not know back then that I do know is I was losing my secure base and safe haven, even if it was not that strong of one.
Why do I feel Lonely after my Divorce
Loneliness is a common and often daunting experience for many going through divorce. Society's support can be lacking, and sharing these feelings with friends and family may not always provide the understanding we hope for. I recall trying to talk to my family about my emotions during this time; they cared, but their lives continued unchanged. Even though I had sought relief from an abusive marriage and felt a sense of liberation, there were still moments when I felt profoundly alone. As a grief specialist, I understand the complex emotions of grieving the loss of a partner. Feeling relief and rebuilding one's life can be an isolating journey.