Divorceworkshop Blog
6 Ways Uncontrolled Emotions Can Cost You in Your Divorce
Divorce is a journey filled with peaks and valleys, twists and turns, and emotions that often run high. As I reflect on my own divorce journey, vivid memories flood my mind, moments brimming with intense feelings that seemed to overwhelm every aspect of my life.
One particular memory stands out. About a month after we separated, I received a phone call from my ex. Words were exchanged, and in a moment of sheer frustration and anger, I found myself screaming into the phone like a wild animal. I had suppressed years of emotions, and it all erupted to the surface at once.
Unfortunately, instead of a resolution, my outburst only fueled further conflict.
Understanding DARVO: How Manipulators Shift Blame in Toxic Relationships
For over 19 years, I endured a relationship filled with manipulation and emotional turmoil. At the time, I couldn’t fully grasp what was happening—the subtle, persistent tactics left me questioning my reality and constantly doubting myself. Only much later after I separated, did I discover DARVO, a tactic used by many highconflict personalities and emotional abusers, and things started to make sense. Suppose I had known about DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) earlier. In that case, I might have recognized the signs and understood how this tactic impacted my sense of self and experiences.
Understanding DARVO has helped me—and my clients and I hope it can help you—see through the confusion created by these toxic dynamics and take steps toward a healthier, more empowered life.
What is DARVO and Where Did It Originate?
Why You Can’t "Just Leave": The Biology of LifeTheft™ and Learned Helplessness
Leaving a toxic marriage isn't a matter of willpower; it’s a matter of nervous system regulation. This post explores how "Learned Helplessness" and childhood LifeTheft™ create a state of paralysis, and why your first four attempts to leave were actually necessary "stress tests" for your eventual freedom.
We often hear the question, "Why didn't she just leave?"
When Your Child Picks Up a “Flea”: Traits Learned from a Narcissistic Parent
I was attending a training on narcissism when the psychologist said something that stopped me in my tracks:
“Children who grow up around a narcissistic parent can sometimes pick up a few fleas.”
She explained that “fleas” are the coping traits children develop after living in a toxic or self-absorbed environment. It doesn’t mean they become narcissists, far from it, but they may carry behaviors they learned to survive.
It’s understandable that the odd “flea” might show up in your children, too; they spend time with that parent and naturally pick up some behaviors. But it’s rarely intentional; it’s usually just a reflection of the environment they’ve had to adapt to.