Divorceworkshop Blog
Why You Can’t "Just Leave": The Biology of LifeTheft™ and Learned Helplessness
Leaving a toxic marriage isn't a matter of willpower; it’s a matter of nervous system regulation. This post explores how "Learned Helplessness" and childhood LifeTheft™ create a state of paralysis, and why your first four attempts to leave were actually necessary "stress tests" for your eventual freedom.
We often hear the question, "Why didn't she just leave?"
When Your Child Picks Up a “Flea”: Traits Learned from a Narcissistic Parent
I was attending a training on narcissism when the psychologist said something that stopped me in my tracks:
“Children who grow up around a narcissistic parent can sometimes pick up a few fleas.”
She explained that “fleas” are the coping traits children develop after living in a toxic or self-absorbed environment. It doesn’t mean they become narcissists, far from it, but they may carry behaviors they learned to survive.
It’s understandable that the odd “flea” might show up in your children, too; they spend time with that parent and naturally pick up some behaviors. But it’s rarely intentional; it’s usually just a reflection of the environment they’ve had to adapt to.