Divorceworkshop Blog
When Your Child Picks Up a “Flea”: Traits Learned from a Narcissistic Parent
I was attending a training on narcissism when the psychologist said something that stopped me in my tracks:
“Children who grow up around a narcissistic parent can sometimes pick up a few fleas.”
She explained that “fleas” are the coping traits children develop after living in a toxic or self-absorbed environment. It doesn’t mean they become narcissists, far from it, but they may carry behaviors they learned to survive.
It’s understandable that the odd “flea” might show up in your children, too; they spend time with that parent and naturally pick up some behaviors. But it’s rarely intentional; it’s usually just a reflection of the environment they’ve had to adapt to.
Do High-Conflict Personalities Love Their Children? Understanding the Tangled Truth?
Growing up, I often found myself asking a question no child should ever have to wonder: Does my father truly love me? His unpredictable nature and hurtful actions left me doubting, while my mother’s steady love became my anchor in an otherwise turbulent world.
As an adult, I unknowingly repeated the cycle, marrying someone who shared traits with my father. We had children together, and over time, I began to notice troubling patterns in my ex-husband’s behavior. The same haunting question returned: Does he genuinely love our kids?
After our separation, his behavior became even more erratic and concerning. Friends would ask me, “How can a father treat his children this way?” Some even said, “Karen, maybe he doesn’t love them.” Deep down, I had to face a painful truth: I’m not sure he does.