Men and women divorce differently

Have you ever heard of the book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus"? This best-selling book explored the fundamental differences between men and women in relationships. Interestingly, but not really surprising that these differences can also manifest during the challenging process of divorce. Men and women often have distinct priorities, communication and financial styles, emotional needs, approaches to stress, and ways of handling practical matters and co-parenting. Having insights that there are differences can help you navigate the divorce process more effectively, gain some perspective into your ex-spouse's divorcing world, and make informed decisions that serve your best interests. Both men and women have strengths and weaknesses in divorce it is a good idea to get the opposite perspective to help you understand them which can help you navigate the often challenging journey of divorce.

An Insight from Kirk - A males perspective

While developing our divorce workshop, Kirk and I noticed the differences in our perceptions of divorce. Initially, this posed challenges because we were focused on our own experiences and what we had to go through. It's natural to prioritize our own needs and concerns during a divorce. However, over time, I realized the value of Kirk's insights in navigating my own divorce. One crucial lesson Kirk taught me early on is that men often approach a divorce with a practical and business-oriented mindset. He would often say, 'Your divorce is now a business.' At first, this idea surprised and unsettled me. After all, I had spent many years married to this person, and reducing it to a business transaction felt strange.

Kirk's point was that certain aspects of divorce, such as dealing with your ex, legal matters, finances, real estate, documentation, and even co-parenting (excluding the children themselves), require a more business-like approach. It took time for me to fully understand this concept and realize the value of treating these specific areas of the divorce with a practical mindset while also allowing myself to work through the emotional challenges. Balancing the business perspective with the emotional aspect was not easy. However, as I shifted my perspective and learned to do it better, I understood its validity.

As Kirk always emphasized, adopting a business mindset can help navigate divorce with clearer goals, a more practical approach, and the hope for forward momentum in the divorce process. Thinking in a business-minded way allowed me to learn to step back from my emotions about the divorce and try to make better decisions. It was not always easy or I did it right all the time but over time I started thinking ok Karen this divorce is really business. Kirk's valuable male perspective proved immensely helpful for me as a woman going through a divorce. Learning from his experiences and understanding the benefits of a business mindset in certain aspects of divorce provided me with valuable tools and strategies.

An Insight from Karen - A females perspective

While Kirk and I talked about the male aspect there was a general pattern that showed up. For many men, their wife is their main support system and when that support is finished it can be very difficult for them. As well some men may not even be aware that their marriage is in trouble and feel blind sited by their wife leaving them. While others tend to keep their marital struggles to themselves and do not confide in anyone. So without a lot of support surrounding them during this very difficult time can be really challenging for men.

Women, on the other hand, tend to have a stronger inclination towards seeking social support and connecting with others, especially during challenging times like divorce. As women, one of our greatest strengths in navigating the divorce process is our natural tendency to reach out to trusted friends, family members, divorce coaches, or therapists. Research supports the notion that women recover from divorce better, in part due to their robust support systems. As a Thanatologist (grief specialist), I understand the significance of having a strong support network, especially during major crises like divorce. Having this support is essential for individuals going through such challenging life transitions.

Kirk's experience in assisting men through their divorces has brought to his attention the lack of available support for them. This realization underscores the urgent need for improved resources, understanding, and a dedicated support network specifically tailored to help men navigate the challenges of divorce. It is important to recognize that many men face significant difficulties after divorce, with the male suicide rate being four times higher than that of women. Consequently, it is crucial for more men to feel empowered and confident in seeking the support they require during this demanding period. Fortunately, barriers are beginning to diminish, and there is a growing trend of men seeking assistance from divorced male coaches and therapists, aiming to facilitate a smoother adjustment to post-divorce life. This shift in seeking support can ultimately benefit not only the men themselves but also their children and contribute to a less stressful divorce process.

Conclusion:

The profound awareness that emerged from understanding our contrasting experiences of divorce has underscored the critical importance of better preparation, education, and support for individuals going through this challenging process. The different perspectives between men and women necessitate our tailored approaches to meet the specific needs of males and females going through a divorce. With our interchangeable knowledge, years of research, and by coaching others we have gained a full grasp of what both parties go through in divorce. We know that this information can really help you navigate through your divorce. We have to always remember it takes 2 to make a separation agreement and we divorce differently. Even early on I saw how Kirk's emphasis on adopting a business mindset, and I was always seeking support, and how just knowing these insights can offer immense value and benefit to others. You need to be aware and recognize and address these differences so that we can foster a more empowering and understanding environment for both men and women embarking on their divorce journey. This is one of the many principles at the heart of The Divorce Workshop's coaching: understanding how your ex thinks during divorce can empower you to navigate the process more effectively. To get a free 15 min consultation with either Kirk or Karen click here.

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