Facing the Ostrich Syndrome: Confronting the Realities of Divorce
Divorce is undoubtedly a challenging journey, filled with various difficulties that can be overwhelming to navigate. It's common for individuals to exhibit what is known as the Ostrich Syndrome - the tendency to avoid confronting the problems associated with the dissolution of a marriage. This avoidance can have detrimental effects within the context of divorce, leading to missed opportunities and increased stress.
During my own divorce experience, I learned some valuable lessons the hard way. Initially, I neglected important aspects such as documentation, setting boundaries, and effective communication with my ex-partner. I underestimated the significance of addressing financial and co-parenting issues promptly, assuming they could be dealt with later. However, this avoidance came at a cost. I had to put in extra effort to untangle the neglected details, causing frustration and setbacks. It became clear that relying solely on a lawyer was insufficient for navigating the complexities of divorce and that I needed to be better prepared than I was.
Furthermore, my ex-spouse's lack of action during the initial phase created a stagnant situation, prolonging the divorce process. After a year, I made the decision to stop avoiding the situation and took proactive steps to move things forward. However, I couldn't help but question what if my ex had been strategically planning his moves for personal gain and could have taken advantage of my avoidance. This realization highlighted the importance of actively participating in the divorce process and not succumbing to avoidance.
Some of the reasons why we avoid
Avoidance in divorce is often rooted in overwhelming grief and the desire to distance oneself from pain. As a thanatologist, I understand how natural it is for humans to avoid when faced with emotional distress. However, it's crucial to recognize that taking small steps and leaning into the pain is essential for healing and growth. Understanding the grief associated with divorce, which can resemble the loss of a loved one, is an important part of the process.
People commonly avoid the challenges of divorce due to the fear of confrontation, uncertainty about the future, and the temporary relief that avoidance provides. While it may bring short-term relief, it's important to seek support and healthier coping mechanisms for long-term well-being.
My personal example emphasizes the consequences of avoiding the challenges of divorce. It underscores the significance of confronting these challenges head-on, seeking professional advice, and actively participating in the process. By doing so, you can ensure a smoother and more efficient divorce journey.
Here are some tips and strategies that can help you overcome the Ostrich Syndrome
Recognizing your emotions, we know divorce is not just a legal one it is equally an emotional one. Seek professional guidance: Consider reaching out to divorce coaches or therapists who specialize in supporting individuals through this journey.
Get the right legal representative such as a mediator or lawyer to help you move forward.
Create a support network: Surround yourself with friends and family who can offer emotional support and be there to listen when you need to talk. Having a support system can make a significant difference in helping you cope with the emotional ups and downs of the process.
Set realistic goals and timelines: Break down the overwhelming tasks into manageable steps. By setting realistic goals and timelines for resolving key issues, you can create a sense of structure and progress, giving you a greater sense of control.
Practice self-care: Take care of yourself during this challenging time. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it's exercising, practicing mindfulness, or pursuing hobbies. Prioritizing self-care helps you manage stress and emotions, promoting your overall well-being.
Take small steps and break down your task such as doing a little bit every day and have a goal-set approach.
Look for books, websites, or support groups that provide guidance and information specifically related to navigating divorce challenges. Check out www.divorceworkshop.ca/workbook
Embrace small goals that you want to achieve, whether it is trying a new hobby or planning something new. This can help you find motivation and a sense of purpose to move your life forward.
Remember, addressing the challenges of divorce is crucial for your long-term well-being. By taking proactive steps, such as seeking support, and resources, and embracing personal growth opportunities, you can mitigate potential long-term consequences like financial instability or strained co-parenting relationships. With the right strategies and a strong support system, you can confront these challenges head-on, nurture personal growth, and create a new chapter filled with resilience, strength, and hope, ensuring a brighter future for yourself.
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