The Pros and Cons of a Nesting Parenting Plan
Sometimes, finding the right balance of parenting time can be difficult for divorcing parents. Keeping the kids in the family home is vital for countless parents.
You may feel that the matrimonial home is the only home the children have known. You may think that keeping your kids in the family home is in the children's best interest because it will provide the most stability during this time of drastic changes.
In fact, frequently, a point of contention in a divorce is who gets to stay in the matrimonial home and who lives with the children in the house. Maybe nesting is the resolution you have been looking for, or it is not. It works for some families exceptionally well and not for some families.
Nesting (also known as bird nesting) is a parenting arrangement that allows the children to continue residing in the matrimonial home. Both parents will take turns living at home during their parenting time, and the parents will maintain a different dwelling for when they do not have parenting time in the family home.
This allows the children to live in the home they have always known and saves the headache of traveling between the divorced parents' two homes.
Alternatively, in some cases, both parents will continue to reside in the family home simultaneously, but they have separate bedrooms and live completely separate lives. A schedule is set out that indicates which parent is responsible for parenting the children at different times.
The most crucial factor to consider when determining whether or not nesting is suitable for you is whether or not you can maintain a somewhat amicable relationship where you can communicate at ease with the other parent.
If this is not the case, nesting will not work for you.
Nesting may benefit many families; however, there are also some weaknesses to note.
Nesting Pros
Finances
With nesting, the costs of post-marital housing can be significantly reduced. You can keep the matrimonial home and rent a small space for you to rotate between.
Your residential expenses are typically the most significant expense each of you will incur after you are divorced, and these expenses include bills such as television, internet, and utilities.
As we previously mentioned, some parenting arrangements will include both parents living in the family home at the same time while maintaining separate lives. This eliminates the additional housing costs completely.
Nesting also gives you some time to think about what you want to do with the matrimonial home. Divorce is overwhelming and stressful as it is, without having to decide what to do with your family home. Nesting gives you some space to think clearly, which you may not be able to do during the throws of a separation.
Emotional
The best interests of your children should be placed above all else. Moving your kids out of the home they love and know can be stressful, especially during a time of so many other changes.
With your kids remaining in the same home, it means they can continue going to the same school, have the same friends and maintain a routine they are accustomed to.
Without having to move between two residences, will help keep your kids grounded and focused. They won't have to deal with the stresses of living in two homes and feeling caught between the parents.
Nesting will also help with the parents' emotional states. Most people are attached to their family home, and with nesting, you can live in the family home and enjoy time with your kids in it, making more memories.
Equal Parenting Time
A nesting arrangement can help both parents have equal parenting time with the children, which ultimately benefits them and allows them to have a healthy relationship with both parents.
Both parents also get equal enjoyment of the family home.
Nesting Cons
Financial
Selling the matrimonial home allows both parents to have a fresh start right away. All your debts are paid, and whatever is leftover will enable you to find a place to call your own.
Simple issues can become complicated such as who pays for what. And what if the other parent decides not to pay the hydro this month, and you are left holding the ball?
Maintenance of the home is another consideration you need to make. Homes need maintenance, such as a new roof, landscaping, etc.
The issue then becomes do you share the expense equally? What happens if there is an appliance repair and one parent cannot afford to fix it?
These types of things can turn into heated arguments pretty quickly.
Child Support
Child support is calculated differently if both parents are living with the kids. There may be a set-off, but you most likely, will not be receiving the same amount of child support had you been living in separate homes.
Other Residence
If you aren't planning to live at the family home full-time in separate rooms, the apparent challenge is whether can you afford to own or rent a separate residence.
Privacy and Boundaries
Will you have your own privacy? Will it be difficult to create boundaries from being married to being roommates?
What happens to your items when it isn't your turn to live in the home? The food you purchased?
Children
Your kids may get confused. What does it all mean? You are together? You are not together? Depending on the age, you may have to field a whole lot of questions about what "this" means.
New Loves
A scenario that may cause significant conflict is what happens when you have met a significant other? Will it be awkward and uncomfortable for you, your spouse, even your kids when you bring home a new love interest? Receive flowers from them? Share holidays with them?
What happens when you no longer want to continue a nesting arrangement and have decided to move in with your new partner? Most people aren't keen on sharing living space with their partner's ex-spouse.
There are definitely advantages to keeping your children in the matrimonial home after divorce; however, you have to consider the disadvantages. It is significant to note that there are several other issues you may need to deal with when creating this type of parenting arrangement, as well.
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We noticed over the years when discussing our own divorces how we approach and think differently. At first, we were a bit defensive thinking our way only but over time we understood that this is how the opposite thinks and feels. We feel that if you know your strengths and weaknesses as well as your ex you can have the advantage of knowing why your ex is thinking of feeling that way as well as where you may need to get more educated or informed.
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